FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YEAH

I’m sleepy, not feeling my best. the arms of this chair are too tight, they hurt my thighs. I need to lose weight, for realz yo. i might have to actually start being that running joke i have with the girlfriend, and not eat. LOL

ZZZZZZ

i think I’m bored. i want to go home now, but this paper is due, and we’re supposed to be reading shit… maybe i should go read and forget about being on the computer. maybe i can jot down the end of what I’ve got for jim being stuck on a crazy planet and write some in the note book? Ugh. I also need to pee. gonna give up this computer i think. yeah.

But fandom has been kind to us, so there’ve been some bright spots in all this bullshit.  Whatever, once Mom gets moved to the Valley (and I’m glad about that let me tell you), I should start getting more peace again.   That won’t be until class starts, but whatever.

I’m intimidated as all fuck, actually.  But seriously, I’m happy about this, I’ve been ready for a change, a positive change, rather than meh or nooooooo!!!!!!  This is the one.

I just hope I don’t wind up wonder wtf is this shit when I get done.  But so far, so damn good!

Reboot

ETA: Now with more TOS action!  I mean, Chris Pine is adorable, but OMFG WILLIAM SHATNER.  brb goin to my bunk

Prime

Now I have to meet with a counselor, get my official transcripts sent over, go to my orientation, and that’s just the stuff I *know* about.  I have no idea what I need to do about the financial aid aspect of all this.  I’m excited, and a little scared.  Things are changing, and it’s time to step up the game!  Uh-oh.  I’ve never really asked much of myself, never pushed hard before.  I’m wondering if I’m going to have to start doing that now, or if in fact, we have more of the same with instructors promising ‘just wait until you get to the REAL world and then you’ll see’, but then it turns out to be exactly the same or easier.  Not that this final year was *easy*, mind you.  It just wasn’t… hard.  Not like they were trying to make it.  It was hard because I had a personal life and things happening in it, and all the while, the academics were like ‘ok….?”

I think it may be a bit like that, and I feel so raw when it comes to my art, even though people – other classmates – always seem to like what I do.  I don’t know, I guess I’m just afraid I’ll burn out before I even get started.

I was all fired up to do some drawing last weekend when Mom called with a medical emergency and really fucked with my chi lol.  It’s taken some time to get myself down from the walls I was climbing when she asked for a ride to the emergency room (she wants to go to Kaiser only, but she doesn’t live close enough to justify taking her there by ambulance) so instead of feeling free and approaching the sketch book with a feeling of openness and summer days spent enjoying myself, I feel locked up inside, like there’s no way I can possibly sit down and draw something and… like… draw.  Shit.  Scared of that now.  Which totally sucks, because I used to just doodle with wild abandon, but now… idk.  Ugh.  School did not help this feeling.

Anyway.  Fandom.  Back to it.  If this doesn’t coax out the muse at least it’ll pass the time enjoyably, which is what I really want for my summer vacay.

Okay.  Got that off my chest.

Haha, talk about not keeping up with the resolution.  The final semester at community college was crazy, and continued to be crazy past its completion.  I don’t want to get into that, though I probably ought to document that shit for posterity, but whatever.  Basically, I only mention it because it’s my excuse for not writing in the journal everyday.  I also don’t forsee myself doing that anyhow.  It’s just not in my nature to journal I guess.  Let me sit in a room and daydream all day, much better use of time imho.

So why break the silence now?  BECAUSE STAR TREK BITCHES.  MOTHER FUCKING STAR TREK.  I finally opened the blu-ray copy of the 2009 reboot, so I might even make myself some icons or some shit.  woo.  I opened it because the history teacher I had for the last 2 semesters has a party at the end of every semester, and I made it to the last one (because, you know, gotta go out with a bang, right?) and she showed it on her awesome hi def tv with blu-ray player.  UM JEALOUSY.  I mean,  yes, the playstation helps with the blu-ray ness and all, but that television?  DO WANT.  Anyway, when we got to the end of the movie I was flying high.  I haven’t felt this fangirly pumped in YEARS.  Probably not since we went batshit insane in 2006 and saw Superman Returns entirely too many times in the theaters.  Oh fuck, I kinda sorta need to see that too, but on  a giant screen, more giant than what we have.

In fact, she actually showed the Richard Donner cut of Superman II before we watched Star Trek (2009), so I can safely say that right now, Captain Kirk is even trumping The Man of Steel.  THIS IS A BIG FUCKING DEAL OK  seriously just look at the money I spent on DC comics this past spring.  holy crap this is important.

Anyway, I want to write fic again for the first time in forever, and I want to read fic again, and try to actually find *good* fic instead of settling for crap to laugh at, which is all I’ve been able to find in any of my fandoms.  Oh man, I’m all aflutter, and I’m finding  new slash pairings and I’m actually kinda turned on and I want to draw pictures and make icons and finally redo my LJ layout (and I haven’t given a shit about that thing in a long ass time!!) and OMFG IS IT CAN BE BATSHIT INSANE -ITE TEIM????

Man, I was totally gonna go off on a tangent about someone’s Star Trek story that I wasn’t too thrilled with, but I can’t even be bothered.   Holy crap.   Fandom.  I MISS IT. Totally not gonna get steeped in it, though, bitch ain’t completely flipped her shit.

SO WHY IS SO DAMN HARD TO THINK THAT MAYBE JAMES BOND WAS BORN IN 1968????  Quit.  Making.  His.  Name.  A.  Code.  NAME.  WHAT THE FUCK

I just finished reading an otherwise readable story wherein someone felt the need to throw in there that James Bond’s dossier lists him as being born in the 1920s and was active as early as WWII, which, okay, yeah, he was in the books. But that was the original books.  Not the current storyline which is happening now.  Why. Is. It. So. Hard. To. Re. Fucking. Boot.  What is it in these girls’ minds (and, let’s face it, they’re all girls, not boys, not men, not even women, but girls) that says we have to use EVERY SINGLE MOVIE AND EVEN BOOK PRIOR TO THE RELEASE OF THIS ONE PARTICULAR ONE IN PARTICULAR?  Hm?  What is it?  Is it to prove that you know more than the untold masses?   Or is it just that it never occurred to you that you can go ahead and let that which came before go?  Can you imagine?  What the fuck would happen to Smallville fic if everyone in every fandom had this ridiculous problem??

Wait, what?

How exactly is the term sexist? Is it because the general assumption is that all fanfic authors are stupid female children who have nothing better to do than to insert themselves into a story?  Interesting, because I could swear that the author of the Star Trek story who’d invented Lt. Mary Sue Whatever the Hell Her Name Is was a man.  Is that the problem – that this ridiculously flawed character is female, and that the only characters of their kind are also always female, whenever written?  Because as I recall, the appropriate term for males (and yes, there is an appropriate term), is either Gary Stu or Marty Stu.  Not “oh he totes doesn’t exist because men are allowed to do super amazing and stupid things and be needed by all etc etc but it’s soooo not realistic for a female”.  Or whatever.

Hell, maybe that’s not where the commenter was going with that.  Mostly it’s a retarded statement.

I am trying to keep an open mind.  This is the first class, and I know that part of what she’s trying to do is run people off, so she doesn’t have to worry about overfilling, but damn, dude, she’s annoying the everliving fuck out of me!  I’m hoping that once she actually shows us what we’re really going to be doing, I’ll feel better about it.  I just don’t like how she’s all “oh, so, you guys don’t know anything at all about type?? because i ttly lv type.  yay type!  soooo i’m a hardcore hard teacher with hardness and this class is ttly hard.  and being a designer is ttly hard.  and i’m gonna be hard on you so you’ll be prepared for the real world which is ttly hard.  ttly.”  Dammit, stop being a stereotypical blonde.  Please.  Dammit.

I hate this keyboard, I can’t touch type it, the keys are in the wrong place, I fucking swear.  It’s hot down here.  whine.

ETA 06/24/10: LOL THIS CLASS WAS MEGA FUCKING FAIL  So basically, I got a B in this class and the other art class, because this class was eating my life, and the other class was starting to get to me when i couldn’t get my shit together because of this class.  WHATEVER IT’S OVER and I’m actually not as bitter as I thought I’d be about not getting an A.  AT LEAST IT’S OVER.  Shit.